How I would “Survive Friday the 13th” and Kill Jason

You may think I'm crazy, but I got a full proof plan.

This guy would be a piece of cake to take down.

Not only do I think I could easily survive camp Crystal Lake, I think I could Kill Jason too. Here’s exactly how I’d do it:

The Plan:

I wouldn’t be a nimrod like every other character in this movie. When the old local people tell us to get out of dodge because the camp is haunted and there's nothing good waiting for us, I’d leave right away. You can’t get killed by Jason “The Dino” Voorhees if you're not on camp crystal lake. But say I followed Kevin Bacon and the rest of the gang and hunkered down at the camp, then what would I do? I would do the following:

The following:

1. Don’t get too comfortable

I would be extremely cautious of everything I do since those old folk warned us at the start of the movie. I wouldn’t go out in the woods at night. I wouldn’t venture off by myself or leave the group.

2. Get armed

I would find a gun or a knife or maybe even a slingshot. Anything to have on me so I can protect myself. If Jason comes, he’d have to answer to Chet. And most people who answer that call, let’s just say they don’t hang up. I’m pretty confident in my skills with a gun, not because I have ever shot one before in my life, but because I have heart. And the two things in life you can’t teach are heart and speed. Arming myself is crucial for me escaping any close run-in’s with Jason.

3. Kill Jason

“Oh but Jason is immortal and super hard to kill” they all scream in unison. Silence. I’d kill him in less than a minute. All I would do is lead him to one of the cabins. I’d act like I am scared out of my mind and don’t know where I’m going. He’d gladly follow me into one of the bunks, bloodthirsty to kill. As I rush inside and attempt to close the door, it doesn’t shut. “He’s mine” Jason probably says in his head cuz he can’t talk. Little does he know, I’m about to body his big baby butt. He runs through the door, sees me and…Bang. Tar and feathers.

3 hours earlier, I actually set up a bucket of tar and a bag of chicken feathers above the door and tied it to a tripwire near the floor. Jason walked right into the Chet trick. Besides looking incredibly silly, now Jason can’t really see me. As he tries to get his bearings, I come up and kick him in the balls. Then as he leans over from the pain I just delivered to his crotch, I elbow his back so he’s now on the ground. He tries to get up but, alas, the tar and feathers are sticking him to the floorboards, and his groin is still in pain so he can’t move. I leap on top of the bed beside him, and give a lil tap on my right elbow. This is gonna feel good. Boom. Body slam. He’s done. For good measure I take his machete and give him a few jabs. But deep down I know that body slam ended him. 

As I walk away into the night victorious, I revel in what I just accomplished. Not absolutely owning a murderer, but pulling off the classic “tar and feather” prank. I’m so excited I pulled it off, that I go to Applebee's. 

THE END