Ranking Muppets from the Muppet movie on how much I want to get a beer with them.

The muppets are awesome and “The Muppet Movie” rocks. Let’s rank which muppets I would like to get a beer with. The list will start with the muppet I would despise to hang with and go to the muppet I would love to grab a beer with. Let’s Rock….

21. Crazy Harry   

If I went out for a beer with this guy I would not come back. He is dead last by a mile.

20. Doglion

It’s not that I am scared of Doglion, it’s that I don’t think he would be a good hang. Plus, I don’t know if he would be allowed into any bar. Crazy Harry still is way worse than whatever Doglion is though. 

19. Swedish Chef

I would not enjoy my beer with this man. Not only would he be speaking gibberish the whole time, but he’s got hair for eyes. HAIR FOR EYES. I live by 3 rules in life: 1. Never trust someone with 2 first names. 2. Never order wings on the first date. 3. If he’s got hair for eyes, run away. HM: Live Laugh Love.

18. Miss Piggy

I despise this pig. Getting a drink with her would not only be torture, it would be social suicide. Everyone would probably leave the bar because she won’t stop talking about herself. Sorry Mrs. PIggy.

17. Beaker

I like this lil fella. I think he’s funny.

16. Scooter

I’m pretty sure Scooter would get denied from the bar for having a fake. He is a young buhl.

15. Gonzo

I wouldn’t hate grabbing a beer with Gonzo. However, I think he would order an appletini and then later in the night end up getting into a bar fight. I’m sorry Gonzo, but I don’t know if I am going to ride for you. 

14. Janice

I feel indifferent about Janice. Whenever she talks in the movie she does seem chill though. Out of the whole Electric Mayhem band, she’d be my last pick to grab a beer with. No hate, just feel indifferent. 

13. Zoot

Zoot seems chill. Hopefully he would bring his sax and start playing some jams in the bar. I would thoroughly enjoy my beer with this man.

12. Dr. Teeth

Dr. Teeth is another chill member of the band I would like to have a beer with. I will say this though, he isn’t higher on this list because I think the whole time he would be trying to stop drinking alcohol and start smoking some pot. Sorry Teeth, Chet don’t roll like that.

11. Lew Zealand

This guy is slapstick comedy gold. I think he’d start pulling some pranks and maybe even jokes out at the bar. Rocking mustache, sick outfit. Yeah, I’d want to drink with this guy.

10. Sam The Eagle

Breaking into the top ten, we got my boy Sam. Sam seems serious and tough on the outside, but I know after a few beers he would be the absolute man. If anything goes down, I know he would have my back too. I would see us watching the football game and listening to some Van Halen while we drank some Budweiser. Sam’s that kind of Eagle.

9. Statler and Waldorf

Name a more iconic duo. These old farts probably have more stories to tell than a library that’s full of books and other story telling things. My point is, having a beer with these two would not only bring some laughs, it would be knowledge!

8. Kermit the Frog

Surprisingly, Kermit isn’t higher on this list. I think for the most part the night would be pretty fun. However, Kermit’s Frog lookin face would order too many beers and not know when to call it quits. Very fun to hang with for most of the night, a pain in the butt to take home.

7. Floyd Pepper

The frontman of Electric Mayhem? Sign me up for a beer with this guy. Actually, make that 10 beers. A night out with Floyd would feed families, and you're lying to yourself if you think otherwise.

6. Fozzie Bear

Fozzie is the definition of a best friend. He seems like a real pal. He could practice some material on me, and it would be a great night. He would offer to pay the tab in a heartbeat. I would absolutely love to have a chill night out just hanging with the boy Fozzie. Waka Waka!

5. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Coming in the top 5 is Mr. Honeydew. He may order one beer the whole night, but man would I be having the time of my life. Bunsen knows his role. He’s not there to get bombed or chat it up with random people, he’s there to hang with me and will probably yap about some science facts. And you know what, I’m here for it. 

4. Animal

This would be the craziest night of my life. Grabbing a beer with Animal would soon turn into us breaking an ex-convict that he somehow knows out of jail. It would start with playing pool, and end with playing Russian roulette. I’m either going to have the best night of all time, or wish I never went out with this menace. And yet, for some strange reason, I am more than happy to take that gamble.

3. Marvin Suggs

I fully am just discovering this Muppet for the first time. With a name like Marvin Suggs, he’s bound to be a fun time. Looks like he plays the drums but the drums are little blobs. Not really sure what Marvin’s deal is. Thing is, it doesn’t matter. I like his style. Sign me up for a few beers with Marvin

2. Sweetums

I know Sweetums may look a little scary on the outside, but trust me…He’s chill. My buddy went to college with him, pretty sure they were in the same pledge class. Any way, he said he once saw Sweetums save a cat from a tree. Did he end up eating the cat? Yes but that’s not the point. Sweetums, deep down, just wants to do no harm and have a good time. And I would love to hit the town with this thing any day of the week.

1. Rowlf

The Goat

Rowlf is my favorite muppet. He just gets it. This dog is the definition of a man's best friend. He can tickle the ivory like no other, and I think, nay, I KNOW that grabbing a beer with him would be the best time ever. The conversation would get deep, but the good kind of deep. The kind of talk you need every once in a while. I know Rowlf is the guy (or dog) for anything you need. He’s got charm, he’s got moxy, he’s got spunk. Rowlf, if I was DJ Khalid I would simply say YOU DA BEST!